whattaprick | IC CONTACT for lostcarnival

Give me a call once you're out of the medical tent.

[ because people are dumb and Strange is dumb and he knows he's dumb and he doesn't have a daemon to converse about all of this with so GUESS WHAT LAMBERT, you're getting drawn into nonsense. ]

[ Its a few seconds before Lambert responds. The acoustics on his end are a little odd, like he's outdoors instead of the muffled quiet of the medical tent. ]

What's wrong? This something urgent?

[ there's enough time for Lambert and Childermass to do whatever talking is needed before Strange responds. He's got to find a good way to describe this as well, after all. ]

No, I just didn't want certain people who might be in the medical tent overhearing. [ there's a pause before Strange sighs. He sounds far too stressed out and a little bit annoyed about the whole thing and this is just 100% him blowing off steam and bitching & moaning to Lambert. ]

Why are so many people in this damn carnival averse to details? I'm not cruel, I would have left Miss Lazuli alone had I know more about her circumstances with that stupid mirror than simply 'it was a bad time.'

Edited 2017-11-15 19:38 (UTC)

[ There's no delicate way to explain that Lambert's up in the mountains with Childermass soaking his feet in the hot water beside him, so Lambert doesn't. The pause on his end is longer, as it's taking him that time to change positions to make this conversation have some semblance of privacy, but he eventually responds. ]

So that's what this is about. [ Of course, without Celandine and being ill as hell to sap his energy, he'd likely have gotten yelled at as much for instigating this as Strange was. Unlike Strange, Lambert can be cruel and vindictive as hell when he wants to be. ]

She's the one who brought it up in the first place. [ Lambert says. You know, because it's pretty obvious Strange doesn't need any more help feeling like shit. ] How were you supposed to know?

Precisely! [ Strange grumbles. And then, he just goes off into a LONG rant, mostly for the sake of ranting. He's downright yelling in the radio at this point, so it's a good sign he's not in his trailer either. ] And then everyone else seems to chastise me for getting into an argument, as if you don't get into arguments with half the carnival. The warden had the gall to claim I thought lesser of anyone who wasn't a mage, as if I'm not married to Arabella and don't claim you as my dearest friend, and Childermass—

[ The rant stops right there and there's just an awkward pause from Strange's end. Oh, he's perfectly willing to give the metaphorical middle finger to Sans but Strange can see just precisely where he went wrong with regards to Childermass. ]

Well, I'll admit, the end result of that argument was my fault. But he brought up Arabella as well in the first place!

Edited 2017-11-15 20:44 (UTC)

[ Well, that comment about arguments, Lambert can't argue against, really. There's plenty enough evidence of it. Though as to why people don't chastise him about it, that's a good question in and of itself. A train of thought briefly derailed when Strange calls him his dearest friend (is Strange drunk?) without any sort of irony, then cuts himself of just as sharply.

There's a lot to respond to, in that. Lambert pauses to consider just which part, tail swishing through the water then stilling when he turn the radio on again. ]

All that in one day, huh? [ Strange is a popular man, apparently. Though he is sort of impressed Sans has the energy to be delivering any lectures, given his state can't be any better than Lambert's right now. Oh well. Might as well go for it. ]

Guess they're bothering you because you actually care about shit. [ He says instead, lightly, the shitty grin audible. ] I'm already a lost cause for that.

Edited 2017-11-15 21:06 (UTC)

Perhaps I should join you in not caring, [ Strange responds, semi-jokingly but also semi-seriously. ] I'll devote myself entirely to my study and my pupils. Maybe I'll go mad again—I've used up all the tonic but if circumstances are right, I can make more. I can't be a hermit, I enjoy conversation too much for that.

[ The more he talks, the more Lambert can hear Strange's wry grin in his voice as well. ]

Entirely? More like an entire five minutes before you decide you want to do something more exciting. [ It's Strange; he's going to get distracted by some new magic spell or wild theory or mad idea or all three combined at some point. Lambert's confident of that much.

As always, he's not particularly adept at making anyone feel better directly. In Strange's position, would he apologize? No, but he wouldn't have gotten in the argument in the first place, nor would he have presumed to lecture Jonathan Strange on how to be a better person -- just yelled at him to get it over with and out of his system, and gone right back to things as they were. Still, Strange's voice lightening is a good sign. ]

I'd say you could be a librarian, but I can't imagine you being organized enough. [ He says, like he's devoting any real thought to the matter of what Strange's alternative career paths could be. And he opens his mouth to go on, but his breath catches in his throat before he can speak. ]

I wouldn't want to be a librarian anyway. That's too much like Norrell for my taste.

[ Though, this is odd. The way that Lambert's breath catches is certainly audible, so Strange can't help but ask, ]

Were you about to say something?

I'm fine. Just ... thinking.

[ Lambert gives up entirely on trying to listen to Celandine and Childermass's conversation, if you can call it that, at this point. He'll just remember it all when he dismisses her, anyway, which is starting to look more and more like a viable option if Childermass keeps petting his damn soul the way he is.

But questions are probably better. Keep Strange talking for as long as he can, and any weird suspicious pauses aren't going to be as noticeable! ]

Have you been worrying about this the whole time?

I've been worrying about everything this whole time, [ Strange remarks, with a siiiiigh. Granted, that's a bit of an over-statement, but there's definitely been a lot on his mind.

And, entirely unaware that Childermass is listening, Strange continues. ]

I know this question might come out of nowhere, but bear with me. The Ringmaster said that who we were in Portland were a reflection of what we could be. How much stock do you put in that?

[ Because Strange is waaaay too aware of that slip of the tongue and how he ordered Childermass about. ]

I-- [ Why Strange had to ask a question that's actually complicated while his soul is being a shithead, is what Lambert wants to know. It's not like Strange cares about his opinion on this! This is obviously a rhetorical question meant as a lead-in to Strange spewing on about his own theories, and anyway Lambert thought they'd collectively agreed Portland was best buried under four bottles of alcohol and best never spoken of again. ]

I don't know. [ His grimace is audible. Not so long ago, he would have flatly denied it was anything but a cheap trick of the universe, but some things from Portland have proven harder to shake than others. ]

What does that have to do with anything??

Childermass and I had an argument. And in the middle of that argument, I said something closer to what that version of me would say. Add in all of Sans's nonsense about how I think lesser of people....

[ There's an awkward pause here as Strange tries to find the best way to describe what he's thinking, entirely oblivious to the fact that Lambert's soul is being a massive jerk (and Childermass, by proxy, is also being a massive jerk). ]

I don't want to be that man. But there are moments when we aren't too different. And I've no idea if it's a lingering effect of that spell or if I was always like this.

[ hey friendo, help me grapple with the fact that I might be an utter asshole??? ]

[ Thankfully, a brief break in the daemon-induced distraction means that Lambert can actually think about what Strange is saying. A fight with Childermass? Well, that's no surprise. They're two very different people, after all, for all else they have in common. Celandine wasn't only being cheeky when she teased Childermass about being surprised they shared the same sentiment. ]

You're asking me if I think you were born a prick or if Portland made you one?

[ Seriously, Strange? This is the existential crisis you bring to his door? Yet despite all that, he can't sound too pissy, if only because it's really hard to be annoyed when you still have the lingering aftershocks of the sheer, unbridled joy that comes with someone you trust laying their hand on your soul. ]

I don't know who you were before the Carnival, Strange. Maybe you were always a jerk so far up your own highborn ass you never noticed it. But ... [ He wrinkles his nose, exasperated. He is not good at this shit, but he also has no idea how long he has before those two interrupt him, so gets it out in a rush: ]

Even if you were, if you don't like that, then change. It can't be any harder than changing the course of a river, can it? [ Except the geography of the peninsula is ever more malleable than Strange's ego, and yeah, he read the books you gave him you dummy. Is he supposed to incorporate changing topography into nightrunner maneuvers now? ]

Edited 2017-11-16 01:32 (UTC)

[ This is one of the existential crises brought to Lambert's door. The others, which include 'oh my god why do I keep having this fake wife problem' and 'so who has two thumbs and just realized he's way more powerful/lucky than he thought, this guy' will be dealt with later.

Although, huh. Lambert actually read the books. Strange pauses before continuing, ]

The terrible thing is, changing the river was easy. Once I understood the magic and made the arrangement, it was all too happy to shift it's course. [ pause. ] Though I don't think I ever put it back.

[ He did not. There's probably a footnote saying that he didn't. But that's not the point. ]

[ There was definitely a footnote saying he didn't put it back. ]

First of all, saying things like that? That is why people think you're a dick. [ Lambert rolls his eyes, leaning his elbows against the edge of the pool while he keeps on quietly talking to Strange. ]

Doesn't sound much like you understand yourself. Maybe that's what you need to work on.

Of course I understand myself, [ Strange scoffs. ] I am a magician. I am the king's magician, the Ringmaster's magician, and most important of all, Arabella's magician. What more is there to it?

[ aaaaand there's problem #1. ]

[ Lambert wrinkles his nose at the radio. If Strange thinks he has an answer to that... ]

Are you sure that's it? Where does 'Jonathan Strange the mopey drunk,' 'Jonathan Strange the man who'll put anything in his mouth,' 'Jonathan Strange who actually thought giving up cards was going to get a girl to marry him' fit in?

It's 'Jonathan Strange the man who'll put anything in his mouth except for pineapple.' [ he briefly adds to the shitpost. ]

Still, I suppose that's better than 'Lambert who is allergic to taking things seriously,' 'Lambert who whines about the cold,' or 'Lambert who has a rat for a soul.' I imagine mine fit in just as awkwardly as yours do, witcher.

[ turnabout is fair play, asshole. Besides, maybe if he needles Lambert long enough then he'll somehow come up with a strategy to understand himself in the first place. Is there a spell for that? There should be a spell for that. ]

[ Note to self: the next time Strange annoys him, definitely terrorize the shit out of him with pineapple. Should be worth a good laugh. For Strange, all that's going to earn him is a snicker. Lambert might have been touchy about Celandine being something so small and obviously non-combative, but now he can't imagine her any other way. ]

Point is, you're more than just a magician. If you weren't, I wouldn't be hanging out with you at all.

[ However, right now? Lambert's been in the water long enough that his hands are wrinkling and he's starting to feel lightheaded, though that's more due to the lack of sleep than anything else. He doesn't quite manage to stifle a yawn, though it is pretty difficult to call him 'relaxed' right now. ]

We done here? 'Cause it sounds like the great magician Jonathan Strange doesn't need my help figuring things out.

Edited 2017-11-16 04:28 (UTC)

[ Note to self: steal all of Lambert's stuff should he try anything with regard to pineapples. Friends don't take advantage of friends dumb phobias, okay? (Except for the fact that if they're Lambert, they kind of do). ]

I suppose we are done. [ Strange can't help but admit. He's in a better mood, he's gotten some ranting off his chest, he's got...well, he still doesn't have a battle plan besides "spy on Childermass and catch him off guard to apologize" and "continue to glare in Sans's general direction" but it's a bit of a battle plan. ]

I should probably get some sleep.

[ who has two thumbs and hasn't even gone to sleep yet, THIS GUUUUY. ]

And thank you, by the way.

And food. And a shower.

[ Because the odds are astronomical that Strange has had neither of those things, either. When Strange thanks him, though, he just huffs a laugh. ]

What for?

Talking with me. Being there. [ Strange laughs, a short little strained laugh. ] Listening to a mad magician ramble on about his mistakes in the first place.

[ He's still worried that he's too much like his Portland self. And he still has no idea how to change that or 'understand himself' in the first place. But it's at least a start. ]

Edited 2017-11-16 05:12 (UTC)

Don't forget 'giving great advice' and 'really helping,' too.

[ Lambert tacks onto that, cheekily, though his tone does grow quieter after a moment. Were Celandine here, she'd have something appropriately sappy to interject, but she's currently across the water and engaged in character assassination besides.

Oh, fuck it. It's not like he has any dignity to lose, nothing else can make this morning more of a missed opportunity than it already is. He rolls his eyes. ]

What else are friends for, right? [ Lambert's not the type of person to ramble on about his problems in the first place, but if he ever was, he knows Strange would be there to return the favor. With alcohol and even more dubious suggestions on how to fix things, but he'd try, and that's more than most people Lambert knows. ]

Now go the fuck to sleep.

Edited 2017-11-16 05:27 (UTC)

[ Strange can't help but laugh at that: it's bright, cheerful, obnoxious and loud enough that Childermass probably hears it even from where he's sitting. ]

What are friends for indeed. But yes, I'll get some rest. You're worse than my mother.

[ he'll even let Lambert get the last word in if he wants before shutting the radio off entirely and then just crashing on his bed. ]

IC CONTACT for lostcarnival

like super fuckin early in the morning of d4

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