IC CONTACT for lostcarnival

[whattaprick]

✆CHANNEL FREQUENCY: 843.77425 (personal);
DESCRIPTION: Half the time he forgets this thing even exists, or how to turn it on and off.

✉MAIL BOX LOCATION: Next to trailer steps.
DESCRIPTION: The concept of a mailbox is rather foreign to Lambert, who's not exactly what you'd call big on personal correspondence. But there's a wooden crate you can probably drop shit into ???

BUG LAMBERT TO MAKE YOU SHIT: Given time and the right ingredients (which he'll usually ask people to provide) he can make potions (with potential side effects), oils, and bombs. You can bother him more about that in person.

Comments

[whattaprick]

[ Lambert could point out its technically his calf and it sucks, he's lucky Childermass didn't do more damage to major muscle, but he's not in the mood. He lapses into silence in lieu of further questions from Strange, but the lack of further yelling from the magician? Yeah, that's suspicious. ]

What are you writing? [ He asks, warily, before reaching out to try and yank that piece of paper write out from under Strange's quill. ]

[kingsroads]

Something to keep you alive, [ Strange simply responds. There's a pause as Strange frowns for a moment and crosses out 'greater than average' and writes in 'seemingly inevitable' above it. A seemingly inevitable chance of getting enthralled, injured, etc. etc.

Aaaand then Lambert yanks it away from him and Strange accidentally draws a line halfway down the paper as it's being yanked away. The writing is Strange's semi-legible cursive and the dark red ink has a faint metallic smell to it. ]

Wonderful, now I'll have to rewrite it, [ he complains. He's still got the quill in his hand but huh, weird, there doesn't seem to be an inkpot on the table at all ] Can I have that back?

[whattaprick]

[ The mystery of the lack of ink is one Lambert will have to solve later, as for now, what's Strange has written down is the bigger source of disbelief. ]

A contract? [ He shakes the paper at Strange, exasperated and blatantly ignoring the request. ] What am I supposed to do with this?

[kingsroads]

The only thing you're supposed to do is sign it. Like I said, it's to keep you safe.

[ Which answers absolutely nothing. Strange reaches over to try and snatch the paper back. ]

[whattaprick]

[ In a display of typical maturity, Lambert leans back, holding the paper away from Strange's grasp as he scoffs. ]

Keep me safe? How's a piece of paper going to do that? [ And then he stiffens slightly, narrowing his eyes at Strange. Hold on, he knows him, and he knows bullshit magic is his answer to everything, so the chance that this also involves bullshit magic somehow is looking pretty damn high. ]

[kingsroads]

[ It involves bullshit magic. Strange can read Lambert's expression pretty well: it's the sort of 'oh god what are you planning to do' sort of expression that he gets more often than not. Strange leans back, crossing his arms over his chest. ]

You said it yourself, it's a contract. Sign it and I'll explain everything.

[ hot damn Strange is doing a good job not really telling Lambert anything close to the full deal. ]

[whattaprick]

[ Yeah, no. That’s not happening.

What is happening is Lambert’s tail whipping out to whap Strange to startle him, then Lambert reaching out to try to snatch that quill from him! ]

[kingsroads]

[ Lambert's strategy works. Strange lets out a yelp of surprise as Lambert's tail hits him which quickly turns into a noise of indignation as Lambert steals the quill. The quill itself radiates magic. And, if Lambert decides to write anything with it, he'll find that the quill produces his own ink...which is magically siphoned off from the blood of whomever's currently writing it.

Surpriiiiise it's a creepy blood quill. And unsurprisingly, Strange doesn't want to get yelled at about the fact that he's using a creepy blood quill in the first place. ]

Give that back! [ he complains, as he practically lunges over the table in an attempt to grab the quill from Lambert's hands. ]

[whattaprick]

[ For a guy with one bum leg, Lambert's doing remarkably well at fending Strange off. As the magician lunges over the table, Lambert lifts his uninjured leg to plant a foot in whatever nearest body part there is to keep him away from him while he twirls the quill experimentally and scrutinizes the contract.

Is it a bad idea to start messing with a magic artifact whose nature he's not entirely sure of? Probably, but he saw Strange using it and he didn't keel over, so it'll probably be all right. After a moment's thought, he uses the quill to cross out Lambert agrees and replace it with an emphatic Lambert does not agree -- and takes a moment to reread the sentence -- when an unmistakable coppery scent hits his nose and he frowns, sniffing. ]

Strange. [ He says, his voice deadly. ] Why do you have a magic quill that writes with blood?

[kingsroads]

[ Strange stands his ground, looking over at Lambert with a frown as he starts to explain. ]

It's my solstice gift from the Ringmaster. The quill can be used to write magically binding contracts. Writing with blood is part of the magic itself.

[ This right here! This is exactly the reason why he doesn't want to tell people about the contract quill because it's just 'what was the Ringmaster thinking' and 'dude this is blood magic' when Strange thinks the thing's kind of awesome. He's intensely annoyed about this conversation and annoyed about the fact that Lambert's annoyed to begin with. ]

Give it to me and I'll write something harmless to show you how it works.

[whattaprick]

Who thinks a quill to write binding blood contracts is a good idea? And you're getting me to sign one?!

[ You wanna know why people don't like the idea of blood contracts, Strange? Because blood contracts are fucking bad news! Lambert scowls, and looks entirely unwilling to hand it back just yet, brandishing it at Strange. ]

No, you know what, we're doing it this way. [ He tears up the paper in his hand and reaches out to snatch a fresh page off the table, and starts to write--

I, Jonathan Strange, will tell Lambert that I am a total idiot for thinking he would ever sign a blood contract-- ]

[kingsroads]

[ Surprise, Strange has mobility. So he gets up, walks over so that he can better see what Lambert's writing, and then just gives him a Look when he sees what it is. ]

We both have to sign it for the contract to take effect. [ There's an implied 'you dipshit' after Strange's statement but, to his credit, he's not outright saying it. ]

And considering you get hurt at every stop, of course I'm getting you to sign this! You're not going to take care of yourself otherwise.

[whattaprick]

Of course I’m taking care of myself. [ Lambert answers automatically. ] I’m not dead yet, am I?

[ The pinnacle of self care right there! At any rate, he finishes the sentence off — and I promise not to try and make him sign any other ones again.

[kingsroads]

You were attacked by Nightshade less than a week ago and now you've been stabbed by iron! [ and its back to yelling. ] How the hell does that qualify as taking care of yourself?!

[whattaprick]

I didn't get kidnapped and turned evil! [ Lambert protests. ] And I've had worse, so this barely counts!

[kingsroads]

I don't care if you've had worse, you've still gotten hurt! You always get hurt! Every month something happens for you to get hurt and yet you keep doing the same dumb nonsense that gets you hurt in the first place!

[whattaprick]

Like what? [ Lambert huffs. ] You mean my job?

[kingsroads]

It's my job as well. And yet I'm not in the medical tent every other week.

[whattaprick]

Well, yeah. You don't get into fights all that much. [ Lambert continues to look plaintively confused about the problem here. ]

Look, it's not like I go out there planning to get hurt. It's just a risk that comes with it.

[kingsroads]

[ Whereas Strange is just boggling at the fact that Lambert doesn't seem to understand what the problem is to begin with. ]

You take too many risks in the first place. That business with the Prince, attacking Nightshade, getting stabbed. Do you even think before rushing off into things?

[ Strange is a big ol'hypocrite who hasn't realized that he's being a big ol'hypocrite. ]

[whattaprick]

Of course I do. [ Says the guy who almost never thinks before rushing into things. ]

There's nothing wrong with a little improvisation. [ Okay, in this case, it's more like ... a lot of improvisation, but details! Speaking of which, though... ]

Besides, it's not like I was expecting any of those things. Or for Childermass to suddenly turn into a crow monster.

[kingsroads]

[ And then Strange's thought process streaks to a halt because what. ]

I'm sorry, giant crow monster?

[whattaprick]

Giant crow monster.

[ Lambert confirms. ]

It didn't feel like the Void's magic, either, so he must have learned how to do that himself ... sometime.

[ He makes a face, likely estimating their chances of getting an answer out of Childermass about that even when he isn't brainwashed. ]

[kingsroads]

[ Strange just stares for a moment, looking blankly at the other man. ]

I'm starting to think I'm the only person who tells people when I can do a new trick.

[ he can't help but complain. Seriously, first Lambert being a dragon and now Childermass being a giant crow monster, what the heck? ]

Can I have my quill back, by the way?

[whattaprick]

That's because you like showing off. And you didn't tell me about this.

[ Probably because Childermass and him were holding out on their own gifts. He brandishes the quill at Strange, but hands it back over, flopping back on the couch and shuffling over just enough for the magician to plop down beside him if he wants to. ]